August 15 and 18, 2019 Michael and Rushma's Weddings

After many years of being together and quietly convincing Rushma's Muslim family that it was OK for her to marry an American Buddhist, my dear friends Michael and Rushma got married.  The legal ceremony took place months ago at the registry office, but August was the time for the two public ceremonies.

The first took place on Friday, August 15 in the evening starting at 1900.  A much more civilized time than the usual time of 0800 or 0900.  That was because this was the Muslim wedding.  Held at one of Kandy's nicest hotels, the Mahaweli Reach, the hotel really did a great job of building a pavilion outdoors.  Despite the rain, we were all dry and everything went off without a hitch, except the food which was crap.  I think the Muslim guests were happy as there were countless meat dishes, but the vegetarians were unimpressed.

As you entered, they had put potted branches with childhood pictures of the bride and groom decorating them.  A really nice touch.

The Order of Service

Our table.  From left to right:  Barbara, Michael's Mother, Eric, Michael's good friend since childhood and Jenna another of his good friends who all flew in from the US.

The Navy Pipers waiting to start their march.  Rushma's father is a retired Navy Admiral, so we were treated to not only the pipers but also the best military band in Sri Lanka.  The band looked particularly smart in their starched white uniforms.

The groom is brought in first accompanied by his party.  The tall guy in the middle is Nick, Michael's cousin and best man.  There were also two monks present, a thing unheard of at a Muslim wedding.  The short monk with the shiny head is Bhante Sujata, standing in for Michael's father who has passed away.

Now for the bride with Michael's Mother looking on.

Rushma being escorted by her father.

Sitting on the throne.

A chance to stand and move around.

Michael had this jacket especially tailored.  Great design.

A real runway model.

The head table.  They look so happy.  The woman on the far left in the light green sari came all the way from Germany.  She is Rushma's friend from university in Malaysia.

The cake.  It was a lovely chocolate cake that we thought we would be eating, but alas they did not put it out on the buffet. We got this terrible excuse for a cheese cake that saw more gelatin than cheese.

Eric, Michael's childhood friend from the US.

Jenna and Michael.  This was Jenna's third trip to Sri Lanka.  She is a true global citizen having lived in Germany and constantly traveling around the globe.  She has become a friend of mine as well.

Rushma's second outfit in the true muslim tradition, a lehenga always looks lovely.

The Friday gift.

So lovely to get a living thing.  It has now been planted in the garden.

On Sunday, August 18, it was on to the Buddhist wedding.  This was one of the best, if not the best wedding I have ever been to.  It was Buddhist in framework, but with all manner of innovation.  Organized by Bhante Sujatha, it was amazing and moving.

The invitation.

The invitation said 0900 and RSVP with regrets only.  I got a phone call from someone asking me if I was attending and asking me to be there by 0830 sharp.  I showed up at 0845 and apart from breakfast that those of us who were there gratefully partook in, nothing happened until after 1000.  Typical Sri Lanka.

Traditionally, the groom and bride are brought in separately by the Kandyan drummers and dancers.  Here they came in together.  The dance performance rivaled one you would see on the last night of the Perahera.

Both these weddings were a real testament to cultural harmony, something that is so important, but even more so since the Easter bombings.  The Sunday wedding was particularly so.  There was no traditional Buddhist ceremony.  There was a Barthya Nadyam dancer doing a traditional Indian dance to a Buddhist devotional song.  Apparently, she was telling the story of the song through the dance.

She was really lovely.

After the dance, there was a salute to the parents of the bride and groom.  This was done by Bhante Sujatha and was particularly moving with the Mohameds.

Michael's mother, Barbara receiving her tribute.  Her sari was draped Indian style for the Muslim wedding and Kandyan style for the Buddhist wedding.  Plus Michael is wearing full Kandyan dress.  More integration.

She was really moved.

Bhante Sujatha was responsible for it all..

After this, there was a salute from some monks.  Monks don't usually attend weddings.  There must have been 20 monks at this one including 4 from the US and 1 from Canada.

Some of therm were even enjoying themselves.  They must have taken a page from Bhante Sujatha's book.  He is very jolly and doesn't take himself as seriously as some of these self-important monks.

Then it was on to the vows which Michael and Rushma had written themselves in the true American style.

Michael is unusually serious

Receiving a blessing from Bhante Sujatha

Rushma was crying and so was I

Rushma delivering her vows.

After the vows, they received gifts from the monks including 9 gems from the monk who came from Ratnapura where most of Sri Lanka's gem stones are mined.  Apparently each gem has some significance as well as the fact that there are nine.

Instead of the usual fake boiling pot of kiri baht (milk rice) followed by feeding the same to the entire wedding party, they opened a young coconut palm flower.  I suppose to symbolize new life.

The unopened flower is the long green thing with the ribbon on it.  the other things are all food items and symbolize abundance.

This cake was all cupcakes of which we each received one.

Now for the official photos.

With Michael's family and close friends.

With the monks.

At this point, the wedding party got a break, but not the bride and groom.  It was on to the matrimonial throne for them and the taking of pictures with everyone present.

Flanked by Nick, Michael's cousin and best man.

Nick and his brother Matthew

With my friends, from left to right:  Amal, Lal, Lal's wife

With me

The cousins getting a bit of a break but still in full uncomfortable regalia.

The groom finally released from the throne.  One happy camper.

At this point the food was finally served.  The meal was excellent and was served unusually early for such events, so we weren't ravenous.  The bride and groom got to change as well.  A welcome relief for both of them I would think.

Back in their Friday night duds accompanied by Bhante Sujatha and Rushma's mother.

I left at this point as I was bagged.  There had been the wedding on Friday night, a co-opoly party at the Kawasaki's on Saturday and then the wedding on Sunday starting at 0830.  Plus Sunday was quite emotional, so I was really spent.  By 1400 I had had it.  It is a shame that I didn't stay as after my departure, there was a dance number reminiscent of Bollywood extravaganzas.  A full video is available on my FB page.  Unfortunately the person who recorded it marked it as private, so I am unable to copy it here.  The dancers were Michael in the middle with Rushma and another young woman.

Around this time, apparently some imams also arrived giving further support to the inter-communal nature of the event.  All this was down to the open nature of the bride and groom and their families.  Admittedly, the Mohameds looked reticent, but they went along.

Michael's family, from left to right:  Aunt Carol with her hand on Bhante Sujatha's shoulder (This in itself is almost unheard of as women are not supposed to touch monks), Michael's Mother Barbara.

Zahra Imtiaz and her husband, Rushma's Matron of Honour.  I first met Zahra and Rushma at the same time as they were always hanging out with Michael.  I thought Michael and Zahra were sweet on each other.  How wrong I was.

All together the nicest wedding(s) I have ever been to.  The Sunday event was topped off by the gift to guests of a living orange tree which I have happily planted in the lower side garden of my house.  When it grows, it will be easy to pick the fruit.