September 27 published October 13, 2014

Today’s excitement was a trip to the lumber yard. As I was moving, I discovered that the board that makes up the box of my bed had warped because the span between supports was too wide. The solution is to attach some slats and then lay the board over them. We needed wood for the slats.

There are lumber shops here, but not like in Canada. The wood is not uniform and it has been ripped but not planed let alone sanded. I thought that we would be going to one of these places where I would have to hunt and peck to fine 7 pieces the same size. Happily, we went to a saw mill that is located right in the middle of Katusgatota town. Zoning seems to be unknown here.

We give the specs for what we want. The carpenter came with me, or rather I went with him. Good thing too, as you will see. After giving the info in the office, we go into the yard to try to find something that fits the bill. The yard is like an ant hill. Huge mahogany logs awaiting cutting, some being cut, lorries waiting to be loaded with cut timber or the bark leavings, and everywhere swarming with workers. Wood is piled everywhere rather haphazardly so that the working area is becoming less and less.

Finally, we find some suitable wood which has been cut into planks. Despite the fact that we have given our requirements to the office and the man there has written it down, they try to give us just the planks as they are. I explain another 6 or 7 times what I want. Finally, they realize that I can’t be fobbed off, so we proceed into the cutting room to have the planks ripped, planed and cut to size.

Here is another sight. There are 2 stations both of which can perform all three functions. There are 3 workers; 2 manning one station, and one the other.  They are all in bare feet, no goggles, no ear protection, no hard hats, no gloves, no masks, and loose clothing to boot. A workers’ comp inspectior would have an apoplectic fit if they saw this.

There are piles of sawdust every where. Air ventilation, hah! They wouldn’t even know what you were talking about.

Now we start in on the planks. They start by cutting the plank in half. The first plank is just about 8¼” wide. The next plank is about 7”. They seem to think that is no problem, despite the fact that I asked for the slats to be 3½” wide. Next problem is the thickness. Although I might let them get away with the width, the thickness is crucial as this is for a bed box and I am like the Princess and the Pea, even the smallest speck keeps me awake, let alone sleeping on an undulating box. That is the very problem I am trying to fix.

So now I have to get them to plane the pieces. They have a mechanism that allows them to set the thickness, but they don't seem to understand what it does. So the first plank comes out close to the 1” that I want, but the second doesn't. So now it is back to the drawing board. I go into the cutting room, get them to give me a tape measure and show them on the tape measure the width I want on every plank. This happens 7 times. Now for the thickness. I get them to set up the machine for 1”. Great, the first plank comes out on the button. Before they put in the second plank, they start messing with the mechanism that controls the size of the cut. I go nuts. With sign language only, as no-one speaks English, I explain that they have to leave the thing at 1”. They look at me like I am crazy, but I am white and a woman, so they obey me. Now we are cooking with gas. Each plank comes out just right. However, I have to measure each one as it comes out of the planer to make sure. So another 7 measures.

Now it is time for the length. This the cutter seems to get. He even has the sense to make sure that the end from which he measures is square. If it isn't he cuts it square before measuring. Everything is going along great until we get to the 6^th plank. The cutter has cut one end square. Despite observing this process 7 times, the assistant gives him the non-squared end to do the measure. I watch this to see if any of the other 4 people who are standing around observing this pick it up. No-one does. So I wade into the sawdust once again, and tell them to flip the plank. They are incredulous, so I have to take the square ruler and show them that the end from which the measurement is being taken is not square. They all go aaaah!, nod and look at me like I am Albert Einstein. Not that they know who Einstein is.

 So after 1½ hours, we have the wood we need.

Now we are off to buy screws and door handles. First place we go, they have some handles, but no screws to go with them. The second place looks a lot more organized and I do in fact get what I want, but not until I have gone behind the counter and gone through every drawer to unearth what I need. Of course, the language barrier is a huge factor, but I am sure that even if I knew Sinhala, they would not get it as they have no clue about the product they are selling.

We load the slats into the tuktuk and off we go back to the ranch to do the install.

Moving the wood in the tuktuk

Miracle of miracle, the carpenter has a drill. Of course, he does not have an extension cord, so he gets one from my landlady. The slats have been brought into the bedroom by the carpenter's assistant, his son, who has laid them out in a configuration that is totally different from the one that I had explained at least 3 times the previous day and had drawn on a piece of paper as well. So I start rearranging them only to find that they are still covered with sawdust. So now, they have to be hauled outside to be brushed off. We get them back on the bed where I lay them out as they should be. They start at it. I do not hear any drilling, so I go to check. They are trying to screw the slats into the mahogany frame without pre-drilling. So I tell them they have to drill. Reluctantly, they start setting up the drill in the middle of my bedroom. I tell them they have to drill outside. So they grab a slat and start to head for the covered veranda which might as well be inside. I tell them they have to go into the garden. They don't understand why, but they obey.

After a lot more mucking around, that job is done and it is fine. Now for the door pulls. They start installing one on the veranda door which is mostly glass. I hear no drilling, and the next thing I is hear is pounding. I run to see what is happening before the pane of glass breaks. They are trying to nail in a screw. In the process they have damaged the pull as well. So back to the drawing board explaining about pre-drilling.

Next job is to put some sliding bolts on my bedroom door. They are working away, using the drill this time, so everything seems good. I go to inspect the work, and lo and behold, they have used some ripped up piece of cardboard under the slot. It looks like hell and will not hold once the bold is closed. So that has to come off and now I am looking for a deeper piece that will fit properly.

This all took from 0900 to 1600. I swear, I might as well have done it myself.

To be fair, that is not entirely true, as Veenitha and I did get 3 boxes emptied in that time, but I feel like a baby sitter.

I have had to putty the walls, paint, scrub like the lowliest char, install screening, do carpentry, fix roof leaks, supervise the plumber. I might as well open a vocational school.